1. I spend most of my free time with my son.
2. The only vegetables I like are corn on the cob and broccoli with lemon.
3. I love spending time with my child.
4. I love to read books – all books, any books.
5. I also love to watch movies.
6. My favorite movie is The Ring.
7. I was obsessed with The Ring for a time.  I own all 3 Japanese versions and 1 Korean version.
8. I’ve never done drugs in my life, including marijuana.
9. I have bagged drugs before, though.
10. I went to a catholic school.
11. I don’t go to church.
12. I believe in God or a Higher Power, but I don’t believe in organized religion.
13. I love watching my son on Christmas day opening his gifts.
14. I love how my son gets excited over the littlest thing.
15. My son’s father didn’t want to be a part of his life.  I’m ok with that.
16. He’s never seen him.
17. I only have a few really close friends.
18. I hate drama in my life.
19. I’m not good at maintaining relationships with my family. (see above)
20. My perfect vacation would be to rent a house on a lake in Rhode Island.
21. I read too many books.
22. I love all bodies of water:  oceans, lakes, rivers.
23. I’m a Virgo.
24. I really don’t believe in horoscopes but I read them sometimes.
25. I love scary/horror movies.
26. The only movie that’s ever scared me was The Ring.
27. I’m a sucker for romance.
28. I doubt I’ll ever get married.
29. I don’t have commitment issues.
30. My father moved in with me.
31. He drives me crazy!
32. I used to play softball while I was growing up.
33. I have numerous trophies for team championships.
34. I’m only 4’11.
35. I only date guys over 5’10.
36. My child (age 6) is almost as tall as me.  (4’5)
37. I’ve only been driving for 6 years.
38. My grandmother was my most favorite person until she passed away 10 years ago.
39. I’m not very close with my mom.
40. I don’t like her apathetic attitude towards my child.
41. My favorite time of year is autumn.
42. I love tomatoes.
43. I once caught pneumonia three times in one year.
44. It turns out I have very bad allergies.
45. I feel much better now and hardly ever get colds.
46. When I went to NYC for a week, I lost my voice for about a week from all the pollution mixed with my allergies.
47. I majored in accounting.
48. I have no clue why.
49. I quit college after one semester because I was pregnant.
50. I plan to go back at some time.
51. I have glasses but I hardly ever wear them.
52. My eyesight isn’t too bad, with glasses everything’s a little more sharp.
53. I would never wear contact lenses.
54. I only drink alcohol if my son has a sleepover over someone else’s house.
55. I’ve never had a hangover.
56. The last time I did a shot of tequila I couldn’t walk straight and I cried all night.
57. My boyfriend was so confused by my behavior.
58. Unfortunately I remember everything I do when I drink.
59. I don’t drink tequila anymore.
60. I love Ginger Ale and Arctic Splash Iced Tea.
61. I don’t like Poland Spring water.
62. I prefer to drink water out of a bottle.
63. I don’t drink coffee or hot tea either.
64. Neither one taste good to me.
65. I love to learn new things.
66. I’m good at putting furniture together.
67. I was a member of the National Honor Society.
68. I was the president of the Future Business Leaders of America.
69. I am not a business leader.
70. I work in non-profit.
71. I donate to Autism charities and SIDS charities.
72. My first son passed away from SIDS when he was a month old.
73. It was the worst time of my life.
74. I don’t talk about it.
75. I’ve never had a nervous breakdown.
76. I don’t let things stress me out.
77. I have a cat.
78. My cat thinks he’s a dog.
79. My son is my greatest accomplishment.
80. For years, I thought I was a major screw-up.
81. Then I grew up.
82. My mistakes helped me grow into the person I am now.
83. I feel like I’m in limbo right now.
84. I’m very shy in person.
85. I’m also quiet.
86. Then when you get to know me I don’t shut up.
87. I’m not good at keeping secrets because I tell my best friend everything.
88. I love the people I work with at my job.
89. I’m scared I’ll never get married.
90. I’m scared I’ll never grow old with someone.
91. I weigh more than I want to.
92. My favorite color is purple.
93. None of my clothes are purple.
94. I listen to all kinds of music.
95. I prefer hip/hop, r n b, and pop.
96. I gained a lot of weight in the past year or two.
97. I eat a lot of salad now and drink a lot of water.
98. I take a walk every night.
99. I have five peircings...my tongue, my ears, my bellybutton
100. Geez, you need to know more?

The beginning of the school year is once again upon us.  DJ is starting 1st grade on September 7th.  I am definitely in a better frame of mind than I was last year around this time.  When DJ started school for the first time year, many thoughts and emotions filled my mind.  Worried about how DJ was going to deal in a school setting after being in home care for the past 5 years, hoping he would make lots of friends. 

Things took a turn for the worse his FIRST week of school.  His teacher would pull me aside to complain about how he wouldn't sit still and wouldn't really participate in class.  I was shocked.  DJ has never gotten in trouble before for anything he did.  He was always so good.  His sitter thought he was an angel.  He received a time out maybe once every six months or so.  I also couldn't understand how they expected a 5 year to sit cross legged on the floor with their hands folded for 45 minutes at a time.  I don't even sit still!

Each month, it grew worse.  In October, she told me flat out my son would be failing kindergarten because of his social skills.  He was sent to the disciplinarian's office more times in one month than I was sent in my whole 12 years of school.  The notes came home day after day after day. 

DJ started to develop a behavior problem.  A serious behavior problem.  By December, our house started to resemble a war zone.  The littlest thing would have him crying and yelling and screaming at me.  By little things, I'm talking about he would drop his pencil on the floor and I would tell him he dropped it and he'd freak out on me.  I was at my wit's end.  I wanted him out of the school.

No one at the school was any help to me.  DJ was in the disciplinarian's office every day for not sitting still.  The counselor wanted him to get tested for to pinpoint the problems he was having.  I wanted to scream at them that his problems started in YOUR school, the day your teacher gave up on him.  Instead I signed the papers to have him tested. 

A few other parents noticed when they came in for Parent day ( each parent had to help 3 days out of the school year) that DJ was always set aside from the rest of the class.  They didn't like it.  I didn't like it.  I was ready to pull him out of the school.  I was so fed up with everything.  I just wanted my little boy back. 

My mother works for a child abuse agency.  One of the social workers there was talking to me recently.  Mrs. B was very upset with the way DJ was being treated in the school at his age.  She was very worried about all the emotional outbursts he was having.  Mrs. B explained to me DJ was experiencing negativity all day in school and the littlest thing resembling negativity at home would of course set him off.  She told me he was always on the defensive.  What I needed to do was be extra, extra positive, constantly...no matter what.  So I did, and it worked.

It even got better.  His test results came back.  He was diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder which is a highly functioning form of Autism.  I know you're thinking how could I think this is better?  True, there is no “cure” for Autism.  I feel my son has a very mild form of it.  Then again, maybe he doesn't.  He's my only child.  I never grew up with kids so this is all I know.  This isn't “hard”.  This is my baby. 

DJ has so many positive points.  He's a very happy child.  He loves love.  He loves hugs and kisses.  He likes to still hold my hand in the mall.  He chatters constantly.  His knowledge is astounding.  The list goes on and on.  Did I mention he can take apart/hook up a tv, cable box, dvd player, vcr, and game system faster than any a/v person you know?

What more could I ask for? 

Sure, he's very very repetetive.  After we leave Blockbuster, he'll ask me 30 times in the 5 minute car ride home if we can go back tomorrow.  He has issues with haircuts.  He's not really happy with the vacuum cleaner.  He likes to watch the same scene over and over again in a movie, in rewind, in fast forward, in slow motion, and paused continuously.

I take it all in stride.  I answer him with, “we'll see,“ 30 times in the 5 minute car ride home.  I cut his hair at home.  He listens to a walkman when I run the vacuum cleaner.  I bought him his own vcr so he can burn himself out. 

The school thing is great now.  Because he was diagnosed he was transferred to another school in the city that has a special classroom designed for children with autism.  Two teachers with a max of 6 students.  The day we had the transfer meeting, Mrs. B attended with me to make sure DJ's rights didn't get screwed.  The highlight of the meeting for me was when they told me he would be transferred in 4 days and he could stay in this school until he started the other one.  I looked at each one of them.  Each one of these educators who were supposed to protect my child and treat him well and told them he will never step foot in this school again.  He doesn't learn anything and he spends most of his time in the disciplinarian's office, really, what's the point?

In the last few months of the school year, DJ did a complete turn around in the new school.  He learned so much!  He did great on his homework.  He loved his school, loved his classmates, loved his teacher.  It was a wonderful, enriching experience, one that I wished he experienced the first time around.  His teacher kept a journal she sent home ever day about how he did in school.  I was able to write and talk about what he did at home.  The absolute best thing is he will have the same teachers through 3rd grade at least and then we start evaluating to see if he's able to start to mainstream in a few other classes but there is no rush.   

To get back on topic....I can't wait for school to start this year.  I'm so excited for DJ.  I know this is going to be a great experience.  I know what to expect.  It's going to be a great school year!

Yes, DJ and I had The Talk.  In all actuality, he schooled me on the subject.  He just comes up with these whacked out subjects to talk about out of the blue.  He explained to me that babies live in bellies.  He also said he wanted to have a baby in his baby.  I explained to him only girls can have babies in their bellies.  He told me he knows how to get a baby in someone's belly.  My smile froze on my face.  All these thoughts were racing through my head, “he's too young”, “where did he get this from?”, “I'm going to kill my father,” etc, etc.  He told me if you eat too much junk food you'll get a baby in your baby.  Phew!  He's still my little boy!

Every day I realize even more how sweet and kind my little boy is and how lucky I am.  True, he's not perfect and I wouldn't want him to be.  He can push my buttons as well, as most children do.  But so far the good heavily outweighs the bad behavior.  He has extremely good manners, he's very polite and respectful (most of the time!) 

Last night, we had hamburgers and hot dogs for dinner.  As usual, my eyes were bigger than my stomach and I couldn't finish my hamburger.  DJ and my dad went out yesterday and picked up some ice cream bars for snacks.  Dj just couldn't wait to try one.  He was telling me all about them and how good they'd be.  I figured this is a perfect opportunity to show him that what I make him do, I can do as well.  I explained to him that I didn't finish all my dinner so I can't have a treat.  He stopped and looked at my for a second, then said, “Don't worry Mommy, I'll go in and eat the rest of your hamburger for you so you can have a treat.“

Thank you, Lord, so much for this wonderful little boy you gave me who sometimes teaches me more than I teach him!

Instructions.
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that are true about you.
3. Anything you don't bold is false.

01. When I was younger I made some bad decisions.  [who didn't?]
02. I don't watch much TV these days.  

03. I love psychodelic mushrooms.
04. I love sleeping.  
05. I have loads of books.  
06. I once slept in a toilet.  
07. I love playing video games.
08. I adore marijuana.  
09. I watch porn movies.  
10. I watch them with my father.  [what kind of sick freak wrote this?]
11. I like sharks.
12. I love spiders.
13. I was born without hair and I still have no hair.  
14. I like George Bush.  
15. People are cool.  
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. 
17. I have jacuzzi and a Porsche. 
18. I have a lot to learn.
19. I carry my knife everywhere with myself. 
20. I'm really really smart.
21. I've never broken someone's bones.
22. I have a secret. 
23. I hate snow.
24. I drink only milk.
25. Punk rock rules.
26. I hate Bill Gates!
27. I love Chinese food. 
28. I would hate to be famous.
29. I am not a morning person.
30. I wear glasses 
31. I don't need glasses.
32. I have potential.
33. I like cheese. 
34. My legs are two different sizes.  
35. I have a twin.
36. I wear a padded bra. Otherwise I don't have boobs. 
37. I can ramble on about absolutely nothing. 
38. I'm left handed.
39. I hate llamas, but I'm one of them.  
40. I don't like horror movies.
41. I suck at climbing, but I love it anyway.  
42. People hate me usually. 
43. I like pop music.
44. I hardly ever go to bed before midnight.
45. I hate parking fines. 
46. I know the National Anthem of my country by heart.
47. I know more than two languages.  
48. I spend too much time on my computer. 
49. I often want to throw my computer out the window.
50. I live on the first floor. 
51. I don't like chocolate.  
52. I'd like to be more original.  
53. I've lied before.  
54. Cocks are my favorite birds. [lol!]  
55. I want to conquer the world.  
56. I wonder what happens when you die.  
57. I've read all books about Harry Potter.  
58. Eat your dog!  [huh?]
59. I love to exercise.  
60. I hate science with a passion.  
61. I like to write.  
62. I like changes.  
63. I hate going to class.  
64. I am afraid to die.  
65. I hate dish washing.  
66. My hair is long, brown, and curly.  [mine is straight]
67. My nails are nine inches long.  
68. One of my favorite colors is black.  
69. I like to sleep on the floor.  
70. I am hopeless at cooking.  
71. I sucked my thumb when I was little.  
72. I should be doing something else rather than writing this.  
73. I am online a lot, but not on AOL.  
74. I hate government.  
75. I have a boyfriend.  [I think]
76. I'm too nice for my own good.
77. I love to read, I read as much as I can. Though I never have time. 
78. I don't trust newspapers. 
79. I sometimes like arguing.  
80. I live in a lagoon. 
81. I clean my room once a month. 
82. I'm scared of american fast food.  
83. I am prying open my third eye.  
84. I love Mozambique.  
85. I don't trust any religion.  
86. I used to play with barbies.  
87. I wanted to be a super hero when I was little.  
88. I like listening to wind chimes.  
89. I'm very disorganized. 
90. My hair is long and straight. 
91. I learn a lot.
92. I don't like spicy food.  
93. I keep a diary.  [I think that's obvious]
94. I can't do cartwheels.  
95. I am very lazy.  
96. I'm sarcastic.  
97. I think my hair is annoying.  
98. I'm very emotional.  
99. I love being "ab-normal".  
100. My left eye is violet and my right eye is a light blue. 

I've finally realized I'm not good at relationships.  To be more specific, I can't find anyone to be in a good relationship with me.  My longest relationship was probably 2.5 years.  I'm not really proud of that. 

My past two boyfriends averaged around 2.5 years.  One turned out to be a druggie and the other- well we just weren't good for each other.  Druggie right now is serving a prison sentence and The Ex and I haven't spoken in a few years.  I stopped dating Druggie in 1996 and broke up with The Ex in 2001.  At this time, I'm not really sure what I'm doing.  I've been seeing/dating/talking to/being “friends” with Mr. Big going on 3 years.  That's right, a guy who will never live with me, never marry me, never give me a full committment is my longest “relationship.”  What the hell is wrong with me?

Mr. Big and I haven't had The Talk since we started seeing each other again.  I really don't even feel like having The Talk.  Then it starts becoming complex.  Mr. Big called me Saturday and asked me to come out with him.  We went and hung out at the river for hours.  Then we went back to his place and watched a movie.  Our relationship is so screwy. 

It started out great.  We dated, we hung out.  I made him wait forever for some nooky.  I could always call him if I needed something.  I met and hung out with the majority of his friends.  Got along with all of them.  He was always there for me.  He was probably the nicest, sweetest boyfriend I ever had. 

Then something happened.  I'm not sure exactly which event screwed us up.  First he moved from his apartment into his fixer upper house.  Then I told him I loved him.  Then I moved from my apartment back into my mom's house.  There was now a 45 minute distance between us even though we still lived in the same city.  He was always hanging out with his friends.  I could never get a sitter.  He couldn't come spend the night at my mom's house.  It was never the same after that.

No matter how many times I break up with him, he always wants me back.  Even though deep down it's never going to work.  My age is wrong.  My skin color is wrong.  Not for him.  He doesn't mind this.  In public, he feels people stare.  I say screw it, let them stare.  These are things that can't be changed.  This is me.  This is you. 

I don't know what he is doing tonight.  I don't know what he is doing tomorrow.  The odds of him calling are nil.  I don't have issues with it.  This is the way it is.  This is what I have time for.  This is what he has time for.  Questions have been floating in my mind.  What are we doing?  Is this time really going to be any different than any of the others?  Why have I been in the longest relatonship with him and yet we don't talk on the phone every day.  We don't talk on the phone every other day.  We rarely speak on the phone except to make plans.  We don't email.  Nothing.  Nada.  Yet it's going on 3 years.  I just don't understand why we just can't let each other go.

What is wrong with people nowadays?  Recently, a co-worker of mine was suddenly fired.  Let's call him Grawp, shall we?  It seems Grawp was caught misbehavin' on company time.  To be more specific, he was caught pleasuring himself in his office, more than once!  Hello?  You'd think when someone caught him the first time, he'd think hmmmm, maybe I shouldn't do this. 

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against porn, I've watched porn before.  Nor do I have any problems with pleasuring oneself.  I've done that myself a time or two :)  But there is a time and place for everything.  Never have I watched porn and pleasured myself while on the job, in the office, with my door open, my pants down.  Let's use some common sense people.  If you really have to do this during work, please, shut and LOCK your door! 

It's a shame, he was cool cat.  But if you are stupid enough to do it out in the open and get caught MORE THAN ONCE, I don't feel sorry that you lost your job.  My advice to all you people out there reading this, lock your door!

Last night we had a few errands to run.  Mostly for DJ.  He wanted to go to Blockbuster and then we went to the produce store to buy tomatos.  Each time we went to the store, my adorable child opened the door for me everytime!  He's only 6 years old and he has such good manners.  I have no clue whatsoever where he learned that from.  We never ride with another man so he's never seen anyone open the door for me.  So, yay for my cutie pie!

In other news, I passed inspection!   Wooo hoooo!  I'm definitely celebrating that news.  I was really afraid I'd have to put loads of money into my old car so I was really surprised when all I needed were some wiper blades. 

I'm such a happy camper right now!

DJ has been saving up his money.  He receives money for doing things around the house.  It's not called an allowance yet because it's not certain chores he does weekly.  He's a really big help and he'll help me do the laundry, vacuum, clean up after my father, and move furniture.  Yes, this is true.  My son is only 6 years and he's ALMOST as tall as me.  True, I am a bit height challenged.  He evidently gets his height from his father's side.  I stand at 4'11 and DJ stands approx 4'3.  I keep telling everyone by 2nd grade the teachers will think I'm the student and he's the parent. 

Back on topic.  So far he has save $11 in the Nintendo Gamecube Game fund.  He's been on a roll for over a year to save $50, yet once it reaches $10 it burns a hole in his pocket and he has to go shopping and buy himself something NOW.  The most he's ever saved was $20 and then spent it.  He says to me Friday he wants to go shopping at the mall.  Here we go again!

He did actually hold onto the money until we went to the last store, a toy store.  There he decided he wanted to buy Jessie from Toy Story 2.  He was such a happy little boy, going up to the register himself, paying and then waiting for his change.  He had everyone in line laughing when he says to the cashier, “Don't forget to put my toy in a bag, please.” 

On the way home, we were playing number and letter games in the car.  I was asking him to name words that starts with the letter....  We get to “g”.  First he says Jake.  I explain that Jake starts with a “j”.  I try to explain him that sometimes “j” and “g” have the same beginning sound.  I then realized why I am not a teacher.  He wanted to know WHY this ways.  How the hell should I know?  I create databases.  So then he brought up the name Jessie and how that starts with a “j”.  He then informed me that Woody starts with a “y”.  I tried to explain that Woody begins with a “w”.  He kept telling me it couldn't be because “w” has a dddddd sound.  I was SO confused.  I told him there is a “d” sound in Woody but it begins with a “w”.  I think DJ was so frustrated with me.  He says to me, “ No, mommy, listen to me, double U, it's a ddddddd sound.”  He could have knocked me over.  Kids figure out the most interesting things.  Of course, I am the only one who sees the future genius in his statements :)

DJ loves Godzilla.  The Ex was a major Godzilla fan and brought DJ into the fold a few years ago.  DJ's favorite is Godzilla vs. Mothra, but he's watched the tape so much he's worn it out.  Last week he watched Terror of Mechagodzilla I think for the first time.  He doesn't really like it as much as the other one though.  In the beginning of the tape, they show pictures (I'm assuming pictures of movie covers, but the movie title is not listed.)  This one picture showed Godzilla and what looked like a blue monster with blue rings of smoke coming out of it's mouth.  DJ was going nuts, he had to have this movie. 

I went online and looked up all of Godzilla's movies on Amazon to see if I could find the title of this movie.  Success!  Went on Ebay and placed a winning bid for Godzilla's Revenge.  Every day he asked “Did it come yet?”  Finally it came in the mail yesterday while he was at my aunt's house.  I always have packages delivered to work.  I called him on the phone to tell him and before I even had a chance, he started talking.  “What time are you coming home?”  I explained that I was working late and probably wouldn't pick him up until 6.  He wanted me to come home “right now”.  Then I told him his movie came in the mail.  He was so excited.

I actually arrived at my aunt's house a little after 5.  DJ was overjoyed to see me.  He kept telling me how I was the best mommy in the world and he was so excited to go home and see his new movie.  He kept hugging and kissing me constantly.  It was hysterical.  He reminded me of scenes in the Addams Family when Morticia would speak french and her husband would start kissing her hand.  That's all DJ kept doing. 

As soon as we came home he raced to his room to watch it.  He came out in the middle and told me it was the best tape ever.  He also told me that Godzilla is a daddy in this movie and he has a son.  Some more major hugs and kisses were in order.  He watched it 3x last night and we have a date later on to watch it together. 

DJ is scared of The Mask with Jim Carrey.  He hasn't watched the movie in a few years but is deathly afraid of it.  Saturday night he had a nightmare that I turned into the mask.  He came in my room Sunday morning screaming and crying.  There was no way he was going back to sleep.  For the past two nights he's been in my bed.  Last night we get ready for bed at 10.  He talked my ear off until about 12.  At one point he says to me “Mommy, ask me if I want a drink of water?”  I told him I am not getting it for him.  Then he said, “Ok Mommy.  Do you want a glass of water?  Say yes, Mommy.”  I decide to play along and say yes because he's not going to be happy unless I say what he wants me to say anyway.  He replies with, “Good, now go in and get us some water since you're thirsty too.”  He's such a player.

Gotta love kids!