There are some sick people out in this world.  I hope they get everything they deserve coming to them.  Not only the people who did this, but also the people who enabled them to do this.  What's wrong with people today?

I really don't understand what a child could do that is SO bad to deserve any kind of treatment like this girl was given.  I just can't comprehend it.  It makes me sick to my stomach.

I also think the Grahams really need to get their stories straight.  Are you married?  Are you sisters?  Are you mother and daughter?  And to all the people investigating this case, pull birth certificates, driver's licenses, you're the expert, figure the family dynamics out.

Two posts in one night?  No, I'm not feeling feverish.  Nor am I an insomniac.  I'm actually a little tired.  I've been up reading a new blog that was recommended to me.  I've actually been reading it for the past few days since I was given the link.  I'm just like that.  I need the back end before I go to the front end.  I had two years of catching up to do and boy, can she blog:)

So, now here I am, adding a few more thoughts before it's time to hit the bed.  I actually want to vent about The Cat, but I can't fully vent.  The Cat noses everywhere he doesn't belong.  I'm sure other people have that same problem.  Next week is PIC's bday and I've been a-shopping.  Unfortunately I can't reveal anything because stupid me gave her the addy to this site months ago.  No clue how much she reads here because she doesn't tell me.  Anyway, PIC, if anything is crushed when a certain something is opened, The Cat did it.  More to be revealed at a late date.  And I really hope you like your stuff because are one of the hardest people to shop for.

PIC is the kind of person who buys herself things all the time.  Even before birthdays and Christmas.  How many times did I have to return things I bought for her after I received a phone call from her?  “Guess what I just picked up today...”  She does this ALL the time!  I banned her from doing any shopping last December. 

Last week I gave DJ a computer.  You'd think SpongeBob just walked in our living room.  It was my old desktop.  I have a laptop.  I've actually had one for over a year or so now.  Thank you, job!  My desktop has been collecting dust over my mother's house for the past year or so, literally.  Since when do you put a computer in a damp basement?

Now, if you turn the computer off, it doesn't turn back on unless you unplug it for a few hours.  Somethings wrong, evidently.  That's not normal behavior.  off topic - why do I suddenly think I'm French?  I keep spelling words that have an “ior” with “iour”.  e.g. behaviour, then I have to go delete.  This has been happening for the past two weeks. - on topic  Now the computer is on constantly.  I'm going to bring it into work to see if someone in my dept. can fix it or else I'm going to have a very unhappy little boy.  pleasepleaseplease.  Motherboards aren't my thing.  Since I suddenly have a new crack on my windshield of my three month old new car, a new computer is out of the question.  Yep, that also happened today.  It's been great all around:)

Wow, lots of things going on in my life.  I swear I seem to make these split second decisions, then I'm on a mission.  Of course, most times I get sidetracked. 

To catch you all up, I've decided to go back to school.  I started school 7 years ago, right before I got pregnant with DJ.  Then I dropped out.  Since then, I really don't have the time to devote to school because I have a child to take care of.  And he comes first, always!  I've always liked Peirce College which is located in Philly.  PIC took online courses to get her Bachelor's in Information Sciences.  But many of her computer classes had to be held at the school.

Now it looks like everything is set up online.  Which means I do not have to go to class.  Which means I don't have to take any time from DJ nor do I need to find a sitter.  I figure during the school months, he goes to bed between 8 and 8:30.  I don't.  Perfect time to go to class and do homework and what not.  If I still need more time, I can always use my lunch hour.  Perfect, right?

One problem solved.  The next problem is financial aid/loans.  I'm hoping I can get financial aid at this late date, if not I'll need to take out a loan which I really don't want to do.  That means I need to pay it back.  That's the last thing I want is to put myself and my child in debt because I want an education.  PIC looked online and it looks like the Financial Aid application was due, hmmm, in JUNE!!  Ok, so I'm a little late.  She said not to worry.  Peirce might be able to help me out.  Which would be great if they ever called me back :)

The only other problem is the entrance exam that I'll most likely have to take.  I'm worried about Algebra.  I don't remember much about it.  Now I need to purchase a book to find out if I can re-learn it.  Not only do I need to learn it for my entrance exam, I will have to take College Algebra I at some point. 

Once I talk to someone at Peirce, I'll be able to find out if I can start in the Fall or the Winter.  I really hope it's the Fall because I want to get started.  Most likely, I'll take breaks in the summer since DJ is up at night more.

Next on the agenda.  I've been going to alot of Autism websites.  A few of them have a Networking Directory which they will basically send to you for the low low price of, let's say $19.99.  Where does this money go?  A Network Directory will hopefully put me in touch with parents' in my area, maybe start a support group, possibly just someone to talk to.  Or if you want to move to a different area, you can contact someone in that area to find out what services are available, yada, yada, yada.  It's a great idea.  But, why charge?  I understand there are costs involved.  Really though, why send paper?  Send via email.  Email is FREE. 

So I decide I'm going to start a website.  I'm starting out with the Networking Directory, which is FREE!  Basically you fill out the information.  Then Ok a disclaimer (this way my ass don't get SUED), then I upload the info to my database.  It's just basically my time.  I'm not going to charge poeple for my time.  If they want it mailed, I'll mail.  If that gets to be too much, they can start sending me postage or something.  Who knows?  We can barter.  The most important thing, these parents don't need any more money going out places.  Some pay for the education, we pay dues to other organizations and now you want my money?  I'm not going to take peoples' money for a directory that will directly benefit them and their child.

Of course I have empathy.  I remember what the first fews days were AD (After Diagnosis).  Oh, yea...HELL!  I saw the words autism.  I pictured Rain Man and The Boy Who Could Fly.  I know, stereotypes, but my stomach dropped.  Then came all the questions.  Which no one could answer because no one knew!  Then I started googling.  Then went $200 for books at amazon.  I read everything I could.  I had major support from my family, my friends, my coworkers.  Some people don't have that.  I read that on message boards every day.  If I didn't have support, I would have went ballistic.  I found out my son can live a so-called “normal“ life.  Things got better.  Things are better.  It's nice to talk to people who have the same situation I have.  But some people NEED this.  Hence the website. 

I have webspace which is a start.  But I don't know html, java, or anything else (which is why I post here instead of my free webspace.)  But I do know databases.  Did I mention I'm a DB administrator?  But my girl, PIC, she knows how do that shit.  She's in charge of all that.  I need to get a design to her this weekend. 

I plan to have more than just the Network Directory, but that's first and foremost.  Then some links, recommended books, possibly a newsletter.  Depends on how much time I have.  Wish me luck on my course and hope I don't get deterred by all those damned naysayers:)

Cast (last updated 11/28/2006) - will update whenever I feel like it :)

Me:  Wendy, 28 31 year old single mother of one.  Born and bred in Philly.  I like spending quantity and quality time with my son, car trips, the color purple, books, movies, you name it.  I'm quite a boring person actually. 
Update 11/28/06 - Moved to Midland, MI August 2006

DJ:  My adorable child.  Currently he's 6 years old, starting 1st grade and trying any money making scheme he can think of to purchase a game, toy, or video (not specifically in that order.)  His favorites are computers, video games, reading, watching movies, and anything Nickelodeon related.  He was diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder in January 2004.  He's unique, I love that. 
Update 11/28/06 - He is now 8 years old and is the 3rd grade at an awesome school!

Pops:  DJ's number one financial backer aka as his grandfather, my father and thing in the back room :)  He moved in with us in early 2004.  He had been hospitalized frequently due to long problems.  I was tired of the jet set life (back and forth to his house, mine and the hospital.)  So, here he is.

The Woman Who Gave Birth To Me Mommy Dearest:  My mother.  She's an interesting lady.  She lives the kind of life one with child could only dream of.  She goes out every weekend and doesn't really have time for grandson.  I think she has more friends now then I have relatives.  Do I sound bitter?  There's alot of water under this bridge.  I think in the past year she's been at my house 10x.  She lives 15 minutes from me.  update:  no longer a part of my life or DJ's because she's scandalous 
Update 11/28/06 - I've allowed her back into DJ's life.  It's much better now that she lives 700 miles away:)

PIC:  My partner-in-crime, my best friend.  We really wish we could be bi or one of us a man because we each think each other are the perfect partner.  We plan to spend the rest of our lives together in separate residences wondering if we can ever find someone as good as each other.  We went to high school together and she's also DJ's godmother.

Mr. Big:  I draw a big blank when I come to him because I really don't know how to describe him.  I suppose one woulld call him my boyfriend.  He's more like my pita.  I'll be living in a nursing home still not understanding men.  Mr Big is older than me by a good many years.  I didn't know how old he was when I started dating him and then I was hooked.  So now we're going on three years and still don't know what the hell we are doing!  update:  no longer together

FMM:  Former maintenance man who I used to "talk" to.  He was evicted when he found another job outside of the apartment complex.  We're still really good friends.

Update 11/28/06 -

The Girl Next Door:  Believe it or not, I met her YEARS ago networking in an autism group.  We grew really close and I came to visit her every year in MI.  Now I live next door to her.

The Man Next Door:  Married to The Girl Next Door and is just as cool!

BFF:  He is brother to The Man Next Door and he is an awesome friend.  ALMOST makes up for not having PIC here, but in no way replacing her in my affections.  We hang out all the time. 

The Man Who Is Getting Away aka The Man:  Hell, I think I'm in love...unrequited love no less.  I hang out with him almost as much as I hang with BFF, but I'm just "one of the guys". 

The Boy 1 Next Door:  The oldest son of The Girl Next Door and stepson of The Man Next Door.  He is 10 going on 60.  He's such an old man.  He was just diagnosed with some kind of mood disorder, but we really think it's all because of his biological father.

The Boy 2 Next Door:  The son of The Girl Next Door and stepson of The Man Next Door.  He is 9 years old.  He is also diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and totally fixates on insects, animals, etc.  He is a complete wealth of information!

The Girl 1 Next Door:  The daughter of The Girl Next Door and The Man Next Door.  She's 4 and she KNOWS she's a princess.  But she's absolutely adorable.

The Girl 2 Next Door:  The youngest daughter of The Girl Next Door and The Man Next Door.  They are trying for a baseball team.  She is about 18 months old and she is SO rough and tumble. 

1. I spend most of my free time with my son.
2. The only vegetables I like are corn on the cob and broccoli with lemon.
3. I love spending time with my child.
4. I love to read books – all books, any books.
5. I also love to watch movies.
6. My favorite movie is The Ring.
7. I was obsessed with The Ring for a time.  I own all 3 Japanese versions and 1 Korean version.
8. I’ve never done drugs in my life, including marijuana.
9. I have bagged drugs before, though.
10. I went to a catholic school.
11. I don’t go to church.
12. I believe in God or a Higher Power, but I don’t believe in organized religion.
13. I love watching my son on Christmas day opening his gifts.
14. I love how my son gets excited over the littlest thing.
15. My son’s father didn’t want to be a part of his life.  I’m ok with that.
16. He’s never seen him.
17. I only have a few really close friends.
18. I hate drama in my life.
19. I’m not good at maintaining relationships with my family. (see above)
20. My perfect vacation would be to rent a house on a lake in Rhode Island.
21. I read too many books.
22. I love all bodies of water:  oceans, lakes, rivers.
23. I’m a Virgo.
24. I really don’t believe in horoscopes but I read them sometimes.
25. I love scary/horror movies.
26. The only movie that’s ever scared me was The Ring.
27. I’m a sucker for romance.
28. I doubt I’ll ever get married.
29. I don’t have commitment issues.
30. My father moved in with me.
31. He drives me crazy!
32. I used to play softball while I was growing up.
33. I have numerous trophies for team championships.
34. I’m only 4’11.
35. I only date guys over 5’10.
36. My child (age 6) is almost as tall as me.  (4’5)
37. I’ve only been driving for 6 years.
38. My grandmother was my most favorite person until she passed away 10 years ago.
39. I’m not very close with my mom.
40. I don’t like her apathetic attitude towards my child.
41. My favorite time of year is autumn.
42. I love tomatoes.
43. I once caught pneumonia three times in one year.
44. It turns out I have very bad allergies.
45. I feel much better now and hardly ever get colds.
46. When I went to NYC for a week, I lost my voice for about a week from all the pollution mixed with my allergies.
47. I majored in accounting.
48. I have no clue why.
49. I quit college after one semester because I was pregnant.
50. I plan to go back at some time.
51. I have glasses but I hardly ever wear them.
52. My eyesight isn’t too bad, with glasses everything’s a little more sharp.
53. I would never wear contact lenses.
54. I only drink alcohol if my son has a sleepover over someone else’s house.
55. I’ve never had a hangover.
56. The last time I did a shot of tequila I couldn’t walk straight and I cried all night.
57. My boyfriend was so confused by my behavior.
58. Unfortunately I remember everything I do when I drink.
59. I don’t drink tequila anymore.
60. I love Ginger Ale and Arctic Splash Iced Tea.
61. I don’t like Poland Spring water.
62. I prefer to drink water out of a bottle.
63. I don’t drink coffee or hot tea either.
64. Neither one taste good to me.
65. I love to learn new things.
66. I’m good at putting furniture together.
67. I was a member of the National Honor Society.
68. I was the president of the Future Business Leaders of America.
69. I am not a business leader.
70. I work in non-profit.
71. I donate to Autism charities and SIDS charities.
72. My first son passed away from SIDS when he was a month old.
73. It was the worst time of my life.
74. I don’t talk about it.
75. I’ve never had a nervous breakdown.
76. I don’t let things stress me out.
77. I have a cat.
78. My cat thinks he’s a dog.
79. My son is my greatest accomplishment.
80. For years, I thought I was a major screw-up.
81. Then I grew up.
82. My mistakes helped me grow into the person I am now.
83. I feel like I’m in limbo right now.
84. I’m very shy in person.
85. I’m also quiet.
86. Then when you get to know me I don’t shut up.
87. I’m not good at keeping secrets because I tell my best friend everything.
88. I love the people I work with at my job.
89. I’m scared I’ll never get married.
90. I’m scared I’ll never grow old with someone.
91. I weigh more than I want to.
92. My favorite color is purple.
93. None of my clothes are purple.
94. I listen to all kinds of music.
95. I prefer hip/hop, r n b, and pop.
96. I gained a lot of weight in the past year or two.
97. I eat a lot of salad now and drink a lot of water.
98. I take a walk every night.
99. I have five peircings...my tongue, my ears, my bellybutton
100. Geez, you need to know more?

The beginning of the school year is once again upon us.  DJ is starting 1st grade on September 7th.  I am definitely in a better frame of mind than I was last year around this time.  When DJ started school for the first time year, many thoughts and emotions filled my mind.  Worried about how DJ was going to deal in a school setting after being in home care for the past 5 years, hoping he would make lots of friends. 

Things took a turn for the worse his FIRST week of school.  His teacher would pull me aside to complain about how he wouldn't sit still and wouldn't really participate in class.  I was shocked.  DJ has never gotten in trouble before for anything he did.  He was always so good.  His sitter thought he was an angel.  He received a time out maybe once every six months or so.  I also couldn't understand how they expected a 5 year to sit cross legged on the floor with their hands folded for 45 minutes at a time.  I don't even sit still!

Each month, it grew worse.  In October, she told me flat out my son would be failing kindergarten because of his social skills.  He was sent to the disciplinarian's office more times in one month than I was sent in my whole 12 years of school.  The notes came home day after day after day. 

DJ started to develop a behavior problem.  A serious behavior problem.  By December, our house started to resemble a war zone.  The littlest thing would have him crying and yelling and screaming at me.  By little things, I'm talking about he would drop his pencil on the floor and I would tell him he dropped it and he'd freak out on me.  I was at my wit's end.  I wanted him out of the school.

No one at the school was any help to me.  DJ was in the disciplinarian's office every day for not sitting still.  The counselor wanted him to get tested for to pinpoint the problems he was having.  I wanted to scream at them that his problems started in YOUR school, the day your teacher gave up on him.  Instead I signed the papers to have him tested. 

A few other parents noticed when they came in for Parent day ( each parent had to help 3 days out of the school year) that DJ was always set aside from the rest of the class.  They didn't like it.  I didn't like it.  I was ready to pull him out of the school.  I was so fed up with everything.  I just wanted my little boy back. 

My mother works for a child abuse agency.  One of the social workers there was talking to me recently.  Mrs. B was very upset with the way DJ was being treated in the school at his age.  She was very worried about all the emotional outbursts he was having.  Mrs. B explained to me DJ was experiencing negativity all day in school and the littlest thing resembling negativity at home would of course set him off.  She told me he was always on the defensive.  What I needed to do was be extra, extra positive, constantly...no matter what.  So I did, and it worked.

It even got better.  His test results came back.  He was diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder which is a highly functioning form of Autism.  I know you're thinking how could I think this is better?  True, there is no “cure” for Autism.  I feel my son has a very mild form of it.  Then again, maybe he doesn't.  He's my only child.  I never grew up with kids so this is all I know.  This isn't “hard”.  This is my baby. 

DJ has so many positive points.  He's a very happy child.  He loves love.  He loves hugs and kisses.  He likes to still hold my hand in the mall.  He chatters constantly.  His knowledge is astounding.  The list goes on and on.  Did I mention he can take apart/hook up a tv, cable box, dvd player, vcr, and game system faster than any a/v person you know?

What more could I ask for? 

Sure, he's very very repetetive.  After we leave Blockbuster, he'll ask me 30 times in the 5 minute car ride home if we can go back tomorrow.  He has issues with haircuts.  He's not really happy with the vacuum cleaner.  He likes to watch the same scene over and over again in a movie, in rewind, in fast forward, in slow motion, and paused continuously.

I take it all in stride.  I answer him with, “we'll see,“ 30 times in the 5 minute car ride home.  I cut his hair at home.  He listens to a walkman when I run the vacuum cleaner.  I bought him his own vcr so he can burn himself out. 

The school thing is great now.  Because he was diagnosed he was transferred to another school in the city that has a special classroom designed for children with autism.  Two teachers with a max of 6 students.  The day we had the transfer meeting, Mrs. B attended with me to make sure DJ's rights didn't get screwed.  The highlight of the meeting for me was when they told me he would be transferred in 4 days and he could stay in this school until he started the other one.  I looked at each one of them.  Each one of these educators who were supposed to protect my child and treat him well and told them he will never step foot in this school again.  He doesn't learn anything and he spends most of his time in the disciplinarian's office, really, what's the point?

In the last few months of the school year, DJ did a complete turn around in the new school.  He learned so much!  He did great on his homework.  He loved his school, loved his classmates, loved his teacher.  It was a wonderful, enriching experience, one that I wished he experienced the first time around.  His teacher kept a journal she sent home ever day about how he did in school.  I was able to write and talk about what he did at home.  The absolute best thing is he will have the same teachers through 3rd grade at least and then we start evaluating to see if he's able to start to mainstream in a few other classes but there is no rush.   

To get back on topic....I can't wait for school to start this year.  I'm so excited for DJ.  I know this is going to be a great experience.  I know what to expect.  It's going to be a great school year!

Yes, DJ and I had The Talk.  In all actuality, he schooled me on the subject.  He just comes up with these whacked out subjects to talk about out of the blue.  He explained to me that babies live in bellies.  He also said he wanted to have a baby in his baby.  I explained to him only girls can have babies in their bellies.  He told me he knows how to get a baby in someone's belly.  My smile froze on my face.  All these thoughts were racing through my head, “he's too young”, “where did he get this from?”, “I'm going to kill my father,” etc, etc.  He told me if you eat too much junk food you'll get a baby in your baby.  Phew!  He's still my little boy!

Every day I realize even more how sweet and kind my little boy is and how lucky I am.  True, he's not perfect and I wouldn't want him to be.  He can push my buttons as well, as most children do.  But so far the good heavily outweighs the bad behavior.  He has extremely good manners, he's very polite and respectful (most of the time!) 

Last night, we had hamburgers and hot dogs for dinner.  As usual, my eyes were bigger than my stomach and I couldn't finish my hamburger.  DJ and my dad went out yesterday and picked up some ice cream bars for snacks.  Dj just couldn't wait to try one.  He was telling me all about them and how good they'd be.  I figured this is a perfect opportunity to show him that what I make him do, I can do as well.  I explained to him that I didn't finish all my dinner so I can't have a treat.  He stopped and looked at my for a second, then said, “Don't worry Mommy, I'll go in and eat the rest of your hamburger for you so you can have a treat.“

Thank you, Lord, so much for this wonderful little boy you gave me who sometimes teaches me more than I teach him!

Instructions.
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that are true about you.
3. Anything you don't bold is false.

01. When I was younger I made some bad decisions.  [who didn't?]
02. I don't watch much TV these days.  

03. I love psychodelic mushrooms.
04. I love sleeping.  
05. I have loads of books.  
06. I once slept in a toilet.  
07. I love playing video games.
08. I adore marijuana.  
09. I watch porn movies.  
10. I watch them with my father.  [what kind of sick freak wrote this?]
11. I like sharks.
12. I love spiders.
13. I was born without hair and I still have no hair.  
14. I like George Bush.  
15. People are cool.  
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. 
17. I have jacuzzi and a Porsche. 
18. I have a lot to learn.
19. I carry my knife everywhere with myself. 
20. I'm really really smart.
21. I've never broken someone's bones.
22. I have a secret. 
23. I hate snow.
24. I drink only milk.
25. Punk rock rules.
26. I hate Bill Gates!
27. I love Chinese food. 
28. I would hate to be famous.
29. I am not a morning person.
30. I wear glasses 
31. I don't need glasses.
32. I have potential.
33. I like cheese. 
34. My legs are two different sizes.  
35. I have a twin.
36. I wear a padded bra. Otherwise I don't have boobs. 
37. I can ramble on about absolutely nothing. 
38. I'm left handed.
39. I hate llamas, but I'm one of them.  
40. I don't like horror movies.
41. I suck at climbing, but I love it anyway.  
42. People hate me usually. 
43. I like pop music.
44. I hardly ever go to bed before midnight.
45. I hate parking fines. 
46. I know the National Anthem of my country by heart.
47. I know more than two languages.  
48. I spend too much time on my computer. 
49. I often want to throw my computer out the window.
50. I live on the first floor. 
51. I don't like chocolate.  
52. I'd like to be more original.  
53. I've lied before.  
54. Cocks are my favorite birds. [lol!]  
55. I want to conquer the world.  
56. I wonder what happens when you die.  
57. I've read all books about Harry Potter.  
58. Eat your dog!  [huh?]
59. I love to exercise.  
60. I hate science with a passion.  
61. I like to write.  
62. I like changes.  
63. I hate going to class.  
64. I am afraid to die.  
65. I hate dish washing.  
66. My hair is long, brown, and curly.  [mine is straight]
67. My nails are nine inches long.  
68. One of my favorite colors is black.  
69. I like to sleep on the floor.  
70. I am hopeless at cooking.  
71. I sucked my thumb when I was little.  
72. I should be doing something else rather than writing this.  
73. I am online a lot, but not on AOL.  
74. I hate government.  
75. I have a boyfriend.  [I think]
76. I'm too nice for my own good.
77. I love to read, I read as much as I can. Though I never have time. 
78. I don't trust newspapers. 
79. I sometimes like arguing.  
80. I live in a lagoon. 
81. I clean my room once a month. 
82. I'm scared of american fast food.  
83. I am prying open my third eye.  
84. I love Mozambique.  
85. I don't trust any religion.  
86. I used to play with barbies.  
87. I wanted to be a super hero when I was little.  
88. I like listening to wind chimes.  
89. I'm very disorganized. 
90. My hair is long and straight. 
91. I learn a lot.
92. I don't like spicy food.  
93. I keep a diary.  [I think that's obvious]
94. I can't do cartwheels.  
95. I am very lazy.  
96. I'm sarcastic.  
97. I think my hair is annoying.  
98. I'm very emotional.  
99. I love being "ab-normal".  
100. My left eye is violet and my right eye is a light blue. 

I've finally realized I'm not good at relationships.  To be more specific, I can't find anyone to be in a good relationship with me.  My longest relationship was probably 2.5 years.  I'm not really proud of that. 

My past two boyfriends averaged around 2.5 years.  One turned out to be a druggie and the other- well we just weren't good for each other.  Druggie right now is serving a prison sentence and The Ex and I haven't spoken in a few years.  I stopped dating Druggie in 1996 and broke up with The Ex in 2001.  At this time, I'm not really sure what I'm doing.  I've been seeing/dating/talking to/being “friends” with Mr. Big going on 3 years.  That's right, a guy who will never live with me, never marry me, never give me a full committment is my longest “relationship.”  What the hell is wrong with me?

Mr. Big and I haven't had The Talk since we started seeing each other again.  I really don't even feel like having The Talk.  Then it starts becoming complex.  Mr. Big called me Saturday and asked me to come out with him.  We went and hung out at the river for hours.  Then we went back to his place and watched a movie.  Our relationship is so screwy. 

It started out great.  We dated, we hung out.  I made him wait forever for some nooky.  I could always call him if I needed something.  I met and hung out with the majority of his friends.  Got along with all of them.  He was always there for me.  He was probably the nicest, sweetest boyfriend I ever had. 

Then something happened.  I'm not sure exactly which event screwed us up.  First he moved from his apartment into his fixer upper house.  Then I told him I loved him.  Then I moved from my apartment back into my mom's house.  There was now a 45 minute distance between us even though we still lived in the same city.  He was always hanging out with his friends.  I could never get a sitter.  He couldn't come spend the night at my mom's house.  It was never the same after that.

No matter how many times I break up with him, he always wants me back.  Even though deep down it's never going to work.  My age is wrong.  My skin color is wrong.  Not for him.  He doesn't mind this.  In public, he feels people stare.  I say screw it, let them stare.  These are things that can't be changed.  This is me.  This is you. 

I don't know what he is doing tonight.  I don't know what he is doing tomorrow.  The odds of him calling are nil.  I don't have issues with it.  This is the way it is.  This is what I have time for.  This is what he has time for.  Questions have been floating in my mind.  What are we doing?  Is this time really going to be any different than any of the others?  Why have I been in the longest relatonship with him and yet we don't talk on the phone every day.  We don't talk on the phone every other day.  We rarely speak on the phone except to make plans.  We don't email.  Nothing.  Nada.  Yet it's going on 3 years.  I just don't understand why we just can't let each other go.

What is wrong with people nowadays?  Recently, a co-worker of mine was suddenly fired.  Let's call him Grawp, shall we?  It seems Grawp was caught misbehavin' on company time.  To be more specific, he was caught pleasuring himself in his office, more than once!  Hello?  You'd think when someone caught him the first time, he'd think hmmmm, maybe I shouldn't do this. 

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against porn, I've watched porn before.  Nor do I have any problems with pleasuring oneself.  I've done that myself a time or two :)  But there is a time and place for everything.  Never have I watched porn and pleasured myself while on the job, in the office, with my door open, my pants down.  Let's use some common sense people.  If you really have to do this during work, please, shut and LOCK your door! 

It's a shame, he was cool cat.  But if you are stupid enough to do it out in the open and get caught MORE THAN ONCE, I don't feel sorry that you lost your job.  My advice to all you people out there reading this, lock your door!