Most days, I forget DJ has Asperger's.  I don't know if it's because I've just dealt with it for so long.  Maybe it's because it's just the two of us.  Or it could be because I just love him so much that I will myself to ignore the little inconsistencies and the uniqueness. 

Some days it's just so hard.  Today is one of those days.  I can't make it better.  I can't make it go away.  I can't overlook it.  I can't pretend it doesn't exist.  It's one of those days I feel helpless.  I'm his mother, why can't I help him????

It started with a spider.  A simple spider combined with bloodcurdling screams, over and over and over.  He wouldn't stop screaming.  The spider didn't touch him.  I killed the spider.  The screams continued.  Non-stop.  Why?  He couldn't stop screaming long enough to tell me why he was screaming.  Screaming combined with him running through out home with stinkies hanging out of his butt. 

Then the screams turned to whimpers and I hushed all his fears away.  Then started up again in full force when I tried to maneuver him in the shower to clean his butt.  I couldn't take it anymore.  He had to go in his room.  Then he just continuously screamed about that.  I'm unfair.  I'm evil.  I'm mean. 

Now he is sleeping peacefully, looking like the sweetest cuddliest little boy you'd ever imagine.  I'm left upset and drained.  Searching the internet for more news. more interventions.  I'm starting to second guess myself.  Did I do the right thing?  Did I miss an all important step? 

Sometimes, being a mommy really sucks.